To be strong is to also be compassionate, empathetic and forgiving. To be on the right side of history you must not only fight for what's right but find the balance to respectfully and unapologetically share your fire while trying to understand the opposer. We don't often get things right the first time. In fact, we forget that we can be soft and stoic while still being a fierce force to be reckoned with. A thank you to every woman from centuries past to present for being brave, unrelenting, clever and strong. And the male individuals who empowered and supported them.
I wrote this three years ago the day after the first Worldwide Women's March on January 21-22, 2017. When I wrote this I was conflicted about how to show my support, I didn't march that day and after having numerous negative encounters with male individuals I didn't know how else to express the thoughts going on in my head. As I carefully pondered on how to verbalize my thoughts, I realized that my thoughts weren't simply about being a woman or woman sexualized by men, it was about everything I was and wasn't.
So when I read this memory on social media, it seemed so relevant today as it did then. And now three years later I can vocalize more elaborately why.
The past few years have given me great practice in how a woman like myself is to identify in order to reclaim my personhood, my voice. I am a woman of color from very humble beginnings who never would have thought about defining herself as such until I was asked to. I have experienced bigotry, sexism, racism, and prejudice (as I'm certain you have) and I was taken aback each time.
I've also heard seemingly harmless questions and comments like, "What are you? You're kind of exotic looking." or "How old are you? You haven't lived long enough to be frustrated. You don't understand." as well as, "You don't need to wear heels, you're tall enough. Are you trying to be intimidating?" and of course the, "Why don't you smile? Everyone loves a girl who smiles." amongst others, were repetitive tracks in the soundtrack of my adolescence and young adulthood. It was annoying but it didn't bother me then, in fact, it became the norm because it happened so often and I'd usually have a funny or sarcastic comeback. But after a few frightening encounters (one occurring right after the other), I realized what those comments were masking... their insecurity, inadequacy, and fear.
I would often express my admiration for those who had no qualms with vocalizing their frustration and anger. People who were vocal about resisting oppression ( in other words, basic respect for another living being). And in order for us to all honor our brilliance, our spirits, we act on what we believe is best at that moment. And that is different for everyone at any given time in their lives.
As I questioned my natural reactions to these situations, I began to realize my approach to people who opposed my existence was no less valid than those who outwardly vocalized their approach.
Practicing compassion and forgiveness doesn't mean there isn't fury blasting from every fiber of my being when exorbitantly awful things are said or done.
I don't show my strength by speaking louder when someone I don't agree with comes at me aggressively and speaks over me. Even though I could very well let the vein over my left temple hulk out as I harmonize my opposition. When I become still and quiet it doesn't mean that I've admitted defeat or that I'm weak and passive.
As I feel my own pain I am reminded to see the pain in others, regardless of color, gender, orientation, financial circumstance, etc. They may not have experienced life in my skin but to be fair I have never experienced life in theirs. When I hear harmful and hateful words that pierce me like daggers, I try (and sometimes falter) to see that I am capable of inflicting that pain in return. And it is as such, that I've learned to pause. I pause not to shrink in front of something greater or more powerful than me. I pause to acknowledge the person who I perceive as my opposer. To acknowledge them is not admit submission to them, it is to actively listen and hear their attempt at expressing what the root of their issue is. And in return offer a conversation with no expectation of changing their minds, but offering hope that our hearts may part differently. I would do myself a disservice if I didn't attempt to find common ground with another person whose differences in the grand scheme of life, mean very little when it's time for death to take our hand.
When you listen to people's toxic speech, you witness their fear and pain manifested in hateful energy and jarring words. It becomes clear that fear has driven them to say and commit or incite such horrendous acts of violence, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Call it privilege, ignorance, or entitlement and it may well be... but we're enabling this excuse by labeling it as such.
And if you're honest with yourself, you may remember a time when you have done this to someone consciously or unconsciously.
I am in no way condoning what may have been said or done to you. There is no excuse for harming another being in any context. Every person alive is accountable for their own actions and behavior. And as we recognize Martin Luther King Jr.'s legacy of non-violence, love against hate, and freedom I truly understand the power behind his words.
I will no longer give power to those who wish to take away my own. I am equally accountable for the power I give away to others. I will carry myself as the rightful being who deserves to take up space, energy, and light because I will empower others to do the same... without trying to take that very right away from someone whose views I will not support. Only God can be judge and juror, that's a burden too soul-sucking to bear.
I will do my best to see you not as other, but as a brother or as a sister who probably needs a compassionate touch instead of a reflection of the contempt emanating from your body. I will work to alleviate the despair and inequality that touches all lives despite how uncomfortable or inconvenient it may be to me. Because at the close of my existence I want to say that I looked back on each day's end without having given any power away and having practiced the rights I fought for myself and others... the rights so many before have fought for me to have.
I will not get this right every time, I would be a hypocrite to say that I will. I will most likely shout a few expletives here and there. But I will combat this systemic discrimination (the discrimination that reinforces the division we label as gender, ethnicity, socio-economic status; of all sentient beings) by empowering others and defending those who cannot defend themselves. I will respectfully and unapologetically share my fire but not at the expense of others. Every situation will present itself with its challenges, but as long as every action comes from a well-intentioned place you're already beginning to shape the outcome for empathy and peace to dwell.
I am grateful for the individuals throughout my life who have empowered me. I know extraordinary women, men, and living beings whose laughter, support and love, create space for me to heal my wounds, breathe and be ready to reignite my spark when it begins to dim. Because only I can do that. To be empowered doesn't mean to rely on someone for support or that you support someone with the expectation of anything in return. It means that a support system is giving you the tools to continue honoring and recognizing your freedom when you are unable to. And in turn, when you're ready, you can have the bandwidth to pay it forward.
The gratitude I have for those who came before me that lit this path, is immeasurable. To honor their legacy is to continue the work that still has ways to go before it is lit for all to experience.
Empowered women, empower women.
Empowered souls, empower souls.
Those in power, any form or level of power, should empower others.
YES!!
Yasssss! Empowered women, empower women. 2020 mantra!